


5 senses

by TheAstralTraveler



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Again read the description., Because honestly need some more Gundham related character dives., F/M, Gundham-Centric, Hurt/Comfort, I didn't want to tag them because I dont want it to seem like i support these concepts., Its not the main focus but dont read if you get grossed out by sex, NSFW, Please read the notes for Trigger Warnings., Read more in the description before you continue seriously please., Seriously there is smut, Seriously this fic has some really heavy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-12 19:47:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28890855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheAstralTraveler/pseuds/TheAstralTraveler
Summary: It was so vivid. The smile on her face despite the heat weighing them down like a sauna. The radio crackling as Plastic Love by Mariya Takeuchi drowned out the noise of the fans. Gundham was sitting on her bed, in a pair of shorts. His shirt was discarded earlier that morning so he could cool off as much as he could. His mother hadn’t the heart to scold him for it. But it was the candy he remembered. Butterscotch. He wasn’t a big fan of sweets, but something about butterscotch was mind-numbingly good. The scent alone was enough to give him a sugar rush.He ate so many that day he had a stomach ache after. He remembered it being a good day. It wasn’t so often he got treats but that day, his mother let him eat a whole bag of butterscotch candies. Something mothers usually wouldn’t let you do. But she watched him with a smile on her face, tired from the heat.That smell… the scent of home.________5 senses; the unofficial sequel to "3 words", whereas Gundham recovers memories of his past While spending time with Sonia. It's messy, he goes through some things, but together they work it out.
Relationships: Sonia Nevermind/Tanaka Gundham
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	5 senses

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, Notes! First of all, welcome to 5 senses. This is very Gundham-Centric wherein he deals with a lot of memories that resurface from his past A lot of them are bad. Here is the list of things that may be triggering to some people, if any of these things bother you I recommend not reading it.
> 
> Trigger warning for the following:
> 
> -Domestic Violence  
> -Child Abuse  
> -Domestic Abuse  
> -Mentions of Animal death  
> -Psychological Trauma  
> -Gundham with Albinism  
> -Emotional Pain/Trauma  
> -NSFW (smut)  
> -Murder
> 
> Furthermore:  
> Here are my actual thoughts on this:  
> I had a lot of fun writing it. I wanted to explore more into the Depths of Gundhams character and how it's made him the person he is. I wanted to also explore it in a way where he is presented with this random access of memories during moments where he is supposed to be experiencing joy. Well, not all are bad but you'll see. If you choose to read it, please enjoy it.

**_Sight_ **

  
_Blonde._ Hair like the morning Sun.  
  
_Red._ Cheeks as soft as the petals of roses.   
  
_Blue-Grey._ Eyes as determined as the sea after a stormy night.  
  
She was breathtaking.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
Gundham was far from beautiful. Even other children immediately cowered at the differences of his complexion. Pale skin, blotchy patches of white in his hair. Many times teachers often confused the white streaks and gey tones of his hair as a dye. Japan was notorious for its militarism and uniformity in schools, hence why Student’s always had a similar wardrobe and dark hair, and dark eyes. Even bleaching your hair was frowned upon by elders. This is why it was so embarrassing when his mother had to explain so often why his complexion was that of the ‘cursed’ genetics belonging to his father. Even the sun, as beautiful as it was rejected him as it rejected the moon. His childhood was full of anger and mistrust. Children’s eyes were supposed to be kind and without judgment, but the eyes of his peers and teachers were often that of disgust or ignorance. ‘Pathetic’. A voice chimed in the back of his mind. ‘You’re pathetic.’ Another voice, and then another.  
  
‘You’re ugly.’  
  
It was always followed by the laughter and cold stares of children that didn’t understand Gundham suffered from albinism. It created many problems for him socially, and amongst the sea of dark-haired and brown-eyed Japanese children, he stuck out like a sore thumb. It hurt. But Gundham was timid. He did not fault others for the way he was treated, he was different. Even the thought in the back of his mind that he was ugly no girl, no boy, no one would ever be able to like someone who looked like him. He often took the brunt of verbal abuse from children who were supposed to be his friends and classmates. But Gundham had no friends, so he was quiet. Angry, but silent. They don’t understand, but they were right. But even his anger seemed to have a limit. After being twisted, frayed, and pulled on so long, the rope just snapped.  
  
“You can’t play with us. Who would want to play with something as ugly as you.”  
Something. Not a somebody. He was not a person.  
  
“You have no friends, and you’re weird! Are you even Human?”  
Not even human. Something else entirely.  
  
The frightened cries of children echoed through the classroom followed by a small desk flying across the room. Gundham lunged for his attacker and tackled the smaller boy to the floor, trying to punch him, bite him, pull his hair. Anything to make him as feel as hurt as he did. “Get off me Demon!” The child cried, fighting back against the raging animal trying to tear him apart.  
  
  
  
“Why did you do it?” Her voice rang hollow in his ears, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at the disappointment on his mother’s face. “Gundham Tanaka. Answer me!” She demand, her voice cracking, A sound Gundham recognized all too well that would be followed by tears. He knew He knew if he looked he would see that same painful expression he always did. It confused his heart, and he didn’t understand. So he refused to look at her. He refused.  
  
“He ...aid...weird.” His voice was soft, barely even above a whisper. Nothing ever frightened Gundham quite like the wrath of his mother. At the same time, she was the most angelic creature he had known.  
  
“What was that!?” She snapped, voice so loud Gundham could not help but tear his eyes away from the intricate details of his school shoes. He immediately regrets it. Her face is red with anger and hot with tears she was trying to hide. Why was she even crying in the first place? It’s not like she was the one he hit.  
  
“He said I was weird!” Gundham screamed back, eyes suddenly watering. His fists clenched and his foot hit the ground. “He called me Ugly, and said I have no friends! He said I was Ugly! He said I’m Ugly!” He screamed teeth clenched as his small body panted with rage. He was only 8 years old, such a little body could only take so much anger. “So I hit him! I hit him right in his stupid face, and I Liked it! Happy!?”  
  
Silence…  
  
“No…” His mother’s face scrunched, as she stepped towards him. Sniffling and wiping away her tears. He backed away out of fear but was met with confusion as she dropped to her knees and pulled her entire world into her arms. A tight hug, he so often rejected physical contact, but it seemed like this time, wanted it. His body trembled with this foreign desire to hold her back, and slowly as his eyes welled with pools of tears, his short arms slid around her back and he gripped the fabric of her shirt with desperation. He openly wept in her arms, completely falling into her body, and sobbed. Why was he crying? He was just angry! Are you supposed to cry when you’re angry too?   
  
“I’m sorry.” She apologized, why did she apologize? “I said things were going to be better after **_he_** left...I said…” She said, But her words were so abruptly cut as she raised her head, and took his wet face into her hands. She had this pleasant smile on her face, completely contradictory to the tears gliding down her cheeks like water on a windowpane after the rain. “My Boy...My beautiful baby boy.” He didn’t feel beautiful. But his mother would never lie to him… right? Mothers don’t lie. “Look at me. You’re different from others...But you are NOT ugly. You’re unique.” She swallows, her voice rising into a softer tone. Tears fell harder down his cheeks. His eyes stung, but he dare not close them. To defy his mother would be a sin against God himself. “You’re precious...You are my son. You are beautiful.”  
  
He cried. Cried because his mother lied. He was not beautiful.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The world was a splendor of sights. He was a moon in a world full of stars, an unprecedented curse upon humanity. But among those stars was something even far better. A diamond. A crystal is formed from heat into a solid and glass form. It shimmered amongst all lights, it’s own glow piercing through the darkness. A flower blooming at the first signs of morning. Invaluable, priceless gorgeous.  
  
His heart wept at the sight of her smile, and the way her eyes creased with the pleasant joy searing on her features. Even when she falters, even if she cried, or crack under the pressure her smile was the present force of light in the darkness of his mind. Should he lose his way for one moment; Should Despair blind him to the worth of humanity; Should his mind be plagued with delusions beyond his comprehension, it was the single thought of her form that brought him closer to inner peace.   
  
Hope like he’s never known before.  
  
“Beautiful.”  
  
He watched as her eyelashes fluttered, her stormy greys moving from the words of the book in her hands to look at him. Her face simply flushed like morning glories, startled by his voice.  
  
“What?”  
  
If it weren’t for the phrase of confusion, he would have never realized he said it out loud. Her response made him flinch and avert his gaze. He could only tell by the soft giggle that followed that his cheeks matched a similar shade of red.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Hark_** **  
****  
** Gundham was 4 years when he heard his first swear. He started saying it in secret to himself every time he did something bad, or when he stubbed his toes. The first time he heard the word was from his father, who was admittedly not his best role model. He often stayed awake at night listening to the drunken sound of yelling from the kitchen. Followed by screams and the occasional tossing of dishes.   
  
He was 6 years old when he saw his father strike his mother for the first time at breakfast. It was such a deafening sound that it drowned out the morning news on the television set. It was an old little thing, But Gundham never really cared for the news anyway. His mother did not seem to make any audible noise whats so ever, a red mark started to form on her cheek. She dropped the dishes in her hands, reaching up to touch what Gundham assumed was only painful. The dishes clattered to the floor, and anxiety surged inside of his chest.   
  
He had heard the noise many times during late hours of the evening, but he had never seen them break before.   
  
It terrified him. The noise was suffocating.  
  
“You stupid bitch!” The growl of his father causes the spoon in Gundhams hand to clatter into his bowl of cereal. He never saw his father so angry, He never saw the man snap, or his eyes so red with despair. “That’s the 3rd time this week!” He watched as the brutish man he once would call father rise from the table, chair clattering to the floor and grabbing his mother’s wrist. The grip was harder than he’s ever seen.  
  
“P-please, I’m sorry.” Her voice was meek, Small, horse. “I-m s-sorry, please don’t do this in front of-”  
  
“Shut up! We don’t have enough money to keep replacing these god damn dishes. When are you gonna get that through your thick skull Mayumi.” He rocked her by her arm. Her hand shakily touched his chest to calm the man down but to no avail. It seemed to enrage him even more.   
  
“I’m s-sorry, Plea-” She shrieked.  
  
It only took one hit for Gundhams entire body to stiffen. Jaw dropped at the scene unfolding in front of his eyes. He wanted to say something but he was so paralyzed with an irrational fear that he could only watch. The smack alone was enough to make him feel as small as she did. If not smaller. He was just a kid, what was he supposed to do? Hitting your loved ones is wrong right? He’d hit people before, kids his own age at pre-school. His Father said fighting was wrong and would get angry when he fought.   
  
Why was he hitting her?   
  
Why didn’t she hit him back?  
  
“I’ll use my money!” She cried out desperately, But she did nothing to stop the next blow from colliding with her face and she was knocked into the kitchen table. His bowl of cereal flipped over and spilled across the table and the floor. It was only then he heard her deafening sobs, and she looked into Gundhams eyes with desperation. She was pained. Even a child could understand what was happening to her. Gundham may be young but he wasn’t stupid. She wanted to plead, she needed help. But she did not ask. Her eyes only shimmered with shame.  
  
“That’s not enough! How ‘M I supposed to feed our fuckin’ kid if you spend all your money breaking dishes!” His hand fisted her skull knocking her face into the table. Gundham winced when she raised her face, eyes now distant and nose red and bloody from the force. Full of Despair. It finally clicked in his head why he woke up all those mornings, seeing his mother’s arms and cheeks sometimes wrapped with bandages. Disheveled hair, distant eyes, broken heart.   
  
His father was beating her.  
  
Gundham was 6 years old when he swore for the first time.  
  
“Slut! I’m gonna-”  
  
“Don’t fucking touch her!” Before Gundham could think, he swore, getting to his feet and lunging for his father. He was so much smaller than the force was nothing more than surprising to him. Gundham however didn’t think and grabbed his arm to try and rip him away from her. He was only left with mocking laughter at his lack of strength. That’s when Gundham bit him.   
  
The cry of pain gave him a sense of confidence that he did anything. “Little shit!” The man growled, raising his fist, and hitting him furiously in the eye.  
  
His entire world started spinning in front of him as the Boy clattered to the floor in a heap of limbs and grabbed his head. The last thing he heard was the cry of his mother’s voice before his world went dark.  
  
“ _Gundham_!”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“Gundham!” Silence. “Gundham?!” The sing-song voice brought him out of his daze. Where was he?   
  
His mother was in danger- No. That’s not where he was. He was in someone’s kitchen, staring at a broken plate on the floor. Its pieces were strewn across the floor, in small shards. He was on his knees like he was picking up before and just...stopped. Why did he stop?   
  
“Gundham?” That voice again. Two knees appeared in his eyes sight causing him to blink at the familiar thigh-high socks and teal blue dress in front of him. Slowly his head raised and his vision met with Sonia. Safety. “Gundham? Is everything okay?”  
  
No.  
  
His eyes were distant. Somewhere far away all of the sudden, and only came back when the sound of her angelic voice ran through his ears like the melody of a song. His hands were hovering in the hear, limp but trembling. Why were his hands shaking so?  
  
“I...broke the plate.”  
  
His answer was worrisome. Speaking so straight forward was not his thing, so clearly something was wrong. That spark, that flash of memory he buried in the recess of his mind just resurfaced when the dish slipped out of his hands and clattered to the floor. It was like he was the boy again standing over a broken dish inside of the kitchen while his mother trembled in fear. The sound of the tv blaring in the distance and the overwhelming sensation of despair running through the air like miasma.  
  
“Gundham.” His name again. Hearing it from the soft sound brought him back to reality once again and he was back in the Kitchen of the restaurant. Who was he? Gundham Tanaka. Where was he? On Jabberwock Island. His friends were there too. They were once apart of the Neo World Program, a Highly classified project run by the future foundation to simulate their high school experience. They were remnants of despair. People with gifted talents use their power for evil and tried to run the world wild through despair. Where was he? The restaurant kitchen. He was on dish duty that night, Sonia offered to help. It was wet, he forgot to take off his bandages.   
  
He dropped the plate.  
  
“It’s just a plate.” Her warm voice echoed in his ears, and two hands suddenly slipped into his empty ones. He didn’t react at first, but she gripped his fingers. The only thing keeping him from recoiling from her gentle hands was the sound of her soothing voice. Panting.  
  
He was panting.  
  
“Is everything okay?” Tender. It was tender. Patient. Understanding. Slow. Soft. Understanding. His breathing slowed with it.  
  
“What?” He blinks a few times, his eyes shook with confusion. He zoned out. What was he doing again? “Fine.” A lie.  
  
He looks down again, the broken plate was under their hands, which she was gripping with worry. “Forgive me if I don’t believe you.” She said it with nothing but love. He didn’t deserve her.  
  
“I dropped the plate.” He repeated, finding her eyes again, features narrowing. His thoughts were all over the place. He needed to pick up the pieces. Someone could get hurt.  
  
“I know.” She says, shaking her head softly. He moves to retract his hands and pick up the pieces, but he’s foiled. She grips harder, pulling his hands towards her. His fingers are still open because his hands hadn’t moved. “It’s okay. The plate is broken.” A squeeze. He hissed. His fingers intertwine with hers and he grips back to his dismay. His body betraying his words. As always. “I’ll help. Is that okay?”  
  
He doesn’t need the help. He feels like he’ll regret his words if he utters them out loud.  
  
“Let me help.” No longer a question. It was a royal demand. Hesitantly he nods, their fingers drift apart, and the two of them work together to pick up the shards of glass. Carefully in each hand, so as not to cut themselves. Gundham was extra careful. He was even worried Sonia would slip and cut those dainty palms. But she didn’t. They stood, setting the glass on the counter. They could throw it away later. “See, All done.” She looked accomplished.  
  
However, Her eyes would lower, and her smile would fall. He needed that smile again. This face was worrying. He hated it. “Gundham...this isn’t about the plate is it.”  
  
He’s surprised. He shouldn’t be but he is.  
  
He suddenly averts his gaze, moving his hands to cradle his arms. He wasn’t folding his arms, he was hugging himself.  
  
“No.”  
  
“That’s okay.” She smiled again. Thank God. “Look...You don’t have to tell me.” She never pressed. She never forced him to speak when he didn’t want to. He almost wished she did at the same time. But her patience was a virtue. “I understand if there are things you don’t wish to tell me. But...I must confess I am a little saddened. Do you feel as if you can’t talk to me?”  
  
“No.”  
  
He wasn’t going to lie.  
  
“Oh, I see.” He could tell by the drop of tone in her voice that she was disheartened by his answer. He hated that.  
  
“Don’t misunderstand.” He closed his eyes, head sinking low into his scarf. “I have always felt extreme distrust towards others. I don’t wish to personally cast you aside but for me, it is not easy to speak on matters of the heart.”  
  
“Right.” Her voice was a tad more understanding again. “You Love me right Gundham?” His eyes snapped open. He knew that was something important to her. He suddenly spreads his arms apart and signs ‘ I. L. Y. ’ with reassurance.  
  
“And I love you.” She signs back, this time more slowly, her eyes determined as she tried to reach inside him and touch his heart. “You have nothing to fear with me Gundham. It’s okay if it's hard. It’s okay if it hurts.” She approaches him slowly, raising her hands to reach around and cradle his head in her loving hands. She’s standing on her toes to match his height. “Even demons have to be scared sometimes, right?”  
  
Slowly, he nods.   
  
“You cannot shoulder all your burdens on your own. This is why I am here.” Her words are so gentle. He’s not used to hearing something so kind… like the voice of a mother. “And maybe now is not the right time. But you will talk to me, won’t you? Please...try?”  
  
God. He could not deny her. It was such a simple request and yes his jaw simply locked as it had many times. But she was going to give him time. How is it that she could love someone so apathetic as he? He failed to see why she could love someone who did not even love themself.  
  
With a deep breath, he leans down and presses their foreheads together. It was a gentle sign of her assurance. “I will try.” He reaches to take her hands, holding the ones against his face. Her eyes caught the light in a way that made him smile. A genuine smile. “I trust you.”  
  
Nothing was fixed. Nothing changed. But nothing was broken. There was no disgust. There was no anger. And no distrust.   
  
It would not be easy, but it would be worth it to be rewarded with the sound of her pleasant laughter in his ears for the rest of his life.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Aroma._** ** _  
_****_  
_** The smoke from the fire and ash hanging in the air caused his body to stir. The sensation of such a small smell made him wriggle in his restraints but Gundham could not so a single thing. His lungs collapsed at the air ripping away from his lungs but he exhaled with satisfaction. It was the only sensation his mind could process as pleasure anymore. His vision was clouded with darkness; despair blinding his sense of logic. His subconscious would not allow him to think, let alone touch another person, his mouth could no longer taste food; he was malnourished because of it. All that was left was despair and the deafening sound of screams all around them.   
  
He was too far gone at this point to feed himself.  
  
The twisted sickening sound of laughter escaped his lungs, as the giant snake curled around his body lunged at something attacking him. A violent scream was cut short and a new scent entered his nostrils. What was that? He inhaled, deeply. In a manic state, he suddenly approached the source of it, squatting down in front of what he only presumed was a dead body the snake had just viciously ripped apart. His head twisted like a mindless rabid animal, and he inhaled again. This smell...it reeked. It was like poison to his lungs and he gaged heavily. He suddenly felt his intestines rocket into his chest and he dry heaved before vomiting nothing but Stomach acid.  
  
It was Blood.  
  
Who’s blood? Who did he just kill in a blind rage? Who’s life did he just rip from this world?  
  
Who cares.  
  
“Aamon.” Gundhams voice rang hollow in his ears. Was it even his anymore? The snake over his shoulder raised its head, eyes glowing, mouth dripping with saliva.   
  
“Feed.”  
  
As ordered, the snake, hissed, uncurling itself from Gundhams form, unhinged its jaws to swallow the human being whole.  
  
He decided he did not like the smell of blood.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
“Do you like it?” Sonia’s voice rose an octave in excitement as she raised her hand to Gundhams nose. He inhaled the scent of perfume, and his face scrunched in disgust. “Not that one then.” Sonia decided, capping the small bottle and placing it back on the shelf. Her hands glide over the selection, picks up a lavender-colored bottle, and sprays a droplet on the tip of her finger. “Try this one?” She asks, watching his face scrunch harder than her last selection. She nervously tilts her head to the side and withdraws her hand from his nose. “Not that one then.” She set it down and continued her selection.  
  
Gundham didn’t exactly know when it came to perfumes and colognes. He believed showering was enough honestly but had no qualms if Sonia wished to indulge in sweet fragrances. All though to his knowledge she really hadn’t worn any perfumes before. So...Why now.  
  
“Sonia.”  
  
“Yes, Gundham?” She says as she reaches to smell the next selection she picked up from the shelf.  
  
“Why am I here?”  
  
“Uh-” She looks up at him. It was a harsh question, but it didn’t sound as if he didn’t want to be here. Just confused is all. “To help me pick out a new perfume! And because I value your opinion!” She raised to fist bump the air and gave her arm a flex. There was hardly a muscle to flex but, she was nothing if not adorable.  
  
“That’s all?”  
  
“Yep!”  
  
He didn’t believe her, but he did not question her further. He was happy to spend time with her, even if he really didn’t understand what all this was for.  
  
“Gundham.” But he never really had to ask for clarification, did he? “Do I… smell?” Was that all? She became so meek suddenly, pressing her fingers together and biting her lip out of embarrassment. She was a proper woman; Discussing these kinds of things were frowned upon as a member of a royal family so he really couldn’t blame her. Despite it just being normal.  
  
“Of course.”  
  
“WHA-” She suddenly jumps staring at him in complete shock. Was he not supposed, to be honest? “But I showered this morning! Oh but I did go to the beach, perhaps I sweat so much! I'm so sorry, you must truly be embarrassed to be with me!”  
  
“What?” His brows crease, then raise, then frown. What was she going on about? “Sonia, Humans smell.”  
  
“Huh-” She looked like she was about to cry, however, something about the obvious way he said it made her pause. “They do? Well of course they do.” Right?   
  
“All mammals secrete a natural odor. Humans are no expectation. A little smell is healthy to help them discover sicknesses or share pheromones during the reproduction process.” He reaches forwards to pick out a bottle and give the contents a whiff. Nope, not that one either. “It is natural to our survival.”  
  
“Wow…” She simply beams at his explanation, clenching her fists tightly in the air. “How do you know so much about this stuff?”  
  
“Tch.” He can’t help but smirk with some confidence. “The only thing that separates us from other species in biology. My dear princess, we are all animals. Our bodies are hardly that different from one another, like them we need it to survive.” He suddenly stands over her, crossing his arms. “What has you so insecure all of the sudden?”  
  
“Oh-” Well she might as well tell him. Straightening out her spine she lets out a tiny huff of air. “Mahiru said that guys like it when a girl smells good. I brought you with me because...I wanted you to pick something that you liked. I hope that’s okay.” Mahiru put her up to this huh? Of course, that says a lot. For a girl so obsessed with the idea that men should act a certain way she appeared to be very ignorant of how she made Sonia feel. Even if it wasn’t intentional. Sonia wasn’t exactly a Gulliable person, however, due to the disconnect between Japan and Novoselic, he could only imagine how difficult it was to adjust to customs outside your home country. It wasn’t as if she was very knowledgeable on ‘dating’ otherwise.  
  
Neither was he really.  
  
“It’s a bit unnecessary.” He admits, looking away to grab a bottle on the farthest right of the shelf and takes it in his hand. He pops the cap. “But if you’re worried, I assure you there is nothing about you I find unpleasant.” Far from it. Even her flaws, he worshipped them. Lifted the glass bottle to his hand and took a whiff. This time his face did not scrunch in disgust, but something about this scent he found to be quite fond of. It hit him in the best like a bullet and he nearly dropped it. What was it? What was this smell?  
  
Smoke? Candy? Something sad and yet sweet. It jogged this old memory inside of his head. He must have been 12 his mother was sitting at the window in her bedroom with a cigarette between her lips. Blowing smoke out into the road. He remembered it being one of the hottest summers of his childhood. The air conditioner was broken due to the wave of heat settling over his home town. It was smothering like a blanket. The electricity was out that day too, and his mother had spent her tips from work on batteries to power the radio and the fan at the corner of the room.  
  
It was so vivid. The smile on her face despite the heat weighing them down like a sauna. The radio crackling as Plastic Love by Mariya Takeuchi drowned out the noise of the fans. Gundham was sitting on her bed, in a pair of shorts. His shirt was discarded earlier that morning so he could cool off as much as he could. His mother hadn’t the heart to scold him for it. But it was the candy he remembered. Butterscotch. He wasn’t a big fan of sweets, but something about butterscotch was mind-numbingly good. The scent alone was enough to give him a sugar rush.   
  
He ate so many that day he had a stomach ache after. He remembered it being a good day. It wasn’t so often he got treats but that day, his mother let him eat a whole bag of butterscotch candies. Something mothers usually wouldn’t let you do. But she watched him with a smile on her face, tired from the heat.  
  
That smell… the scent of home.  
  
He closed his eyes, shook his head, and pinched the bridge of his nose as a spell of dizziness overcame him. Once he came back to reality, he places the cap on the bottle and holds it out towards her. “However, if it’s that important to you, I think this one is suitable.”  
  
She takes the bottle and gives it a whiff, completely enveloping her nose in the smell. Her eyes seem to simply light up like a Christmas tree and he sees the recognition in her face. “Oh, this...This smells familiar.” She sniffs the bottle again. “It reminds me of something, Like a warm toasty campfire, and Marshmallows! Aaaahhh~ Now I want smores!” She takes the bottle clasping the bottle to her chest excitedly. “Good choice Gundham. I know you said it doesn’t matter but… I’ve always wanted to try wearing perfume. So I hope you don’t mind if I wear it sometimes.”  
  
“Not at all.”  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Flavor._** ** _  
_****_  
  
_**

Burned. Again.   
  
He was used to being served incomplete meals, or overcooked dinners, especially at this hour. It was near close to midnight, he had school tomorrow, but his mother always came home late and insisted she cook for him. It was bad. It was always bad, and his stomach rolled in disgust staring at it. He was not an ungrateful child by any means, but His mother’s cooking was less than to be desired. It’s not as if she could help it really. Gundham knew she was tired. She worked hard to support the two of them and make sure he had a bed to sleep in every night. He saw the notices under her bed.   
  
“How is it, sweetheart?” His eyes drifted up from the food on his plate to blink in her direction. Her tired smile danced along with her features, even though her eyes were fluttering. Her head was dipping. He wouldn’t be at all surprised if her head just hit the table and she passed out right there. Her eyes were so full of love for him.   
  
“An excellent dish!” He cries out with enthusiasm. His hands rising into the air to strike a fearsome pose. “Who would have thought an angel could have created something so spectacular as this! Fwahahaha!” He suddenly reaches to pull a small hamster from his lap. It’s small but its fur is a golden color, and it’s got some burn asparagus in his mouth. “Cham-P agrees! My Deva will grow big and strong to be the most fearsome creature this world has ever seen.”   
  
His mother laughs. It’s wonderful.    
  
“Cham-P. So you finally gave him a name?” He grins sheepishly and nod’s in response. “ It’s a good name. Like Champion right?” She reaches and gives the small hamster a scratch behind the ear. It mews at the affection.    
  
“Mmmhmm.” He shoves another bite of charred fish in his mouth and he does his best not to wince. He wouldn’t falter. His mother must never feel doubt. “But he needs a brother.” He says finally, placing Cham-P on the table. It wasn’t polite to have animals at the table but his mother let him get away with murder sometimes. So to speak. “I’m going to get a job this year.” His brows (or rather lack thereof) scrunch dramatically at this proclamation. “I want to raise money to give Cham-P a family of his own. I think he gets sad when I’m at school...If I get him some friends he won’t be so lonely.”   
  
“Oh, really…” Her voice drifted after a small yawn.   
  
“Yeah, Till then he’ll have to wait. What kind of demon do you think I ...Should…” He trails off, turning to see his mother fast asleep on the table. “Mom?” Nope, nothing. Out like a light. He turns to Cham-P and makes a shushing motion with his mouth, before placing the small creature on his shoulder. Quietly he grabs the plate with half-eaten food, and tip-toes out of the apartment door, closing it softly behind him.   
  
He runs next door, plate in hand, crawls carefully through a chainlink fence and into the back yard of someone’s house. There in the back yard is a large brown labrador, scrawny and malnourished who raised his head at the sight of him. He weakly scrambles over to Gundham, tail wagging, and try’s to hop for the plate in his hand “Shhh- Sit!” He whispers harshly watching as the dog circles him and then sits at his feet, panting happily. “If you wake your dumb owners, we’re both dead okay?” Very quietly he uses his hand to scoop the contents of his plate into the dog’s dish, who happily laps up every bite. Gundham smiles gleefully, petting the back of his head.   
  
“Good boy.”   
  
  
  
  
  
  
“So what do you think!?” The princess’s eyes shimmered excitedly, hopping on her toes and waiting for his answer. There was a pause as he lowered the spoon from his mouth and swallowed.   
  
“It’s, delicious.” He says, a soft pink hue spreading across his face. He really did enjoy Sonia’s cooking. Even if it was mainly experimental. She liked to try new things, even if she wasn’t great at them, But Gundham encouraged her newfound Hobby for baking. It was wonderful, and he took another bite from the piece of homemade pumpkin pie. “However, it’s...very sweet.” Almost sickly sweet.   
  
“Sweet?” She seems confused, grabbing the sheet of instructions Hanamura handed her this morning. “Odd I followed the recipe exactly as- Oh dear! I think I added too much sugar than instructed.” Oh, that explained much. “I’m terribly sorry. It’s not too bad is it?”

  
He shakes his head, swallowing, “Of course not.” But he can’t really stomach it. Sugar was not his favorite food. He, unfortunately, sets it down, placing the spoon on the counter. His tongue sweeps over the crumbs on his mouth, before using his hand to rub the rest of his mouth. “Do not dwell on it too much. I have never really been fond of sweets.”    
  
“Oh really? I should make something more to your liking then.” She says, inching just a little closer towards, to swipe her fingertip along with the whipped cream of the uneaten pie, and press it to her lips. She lets out a soft hum. “It is a shame though. I really do enjoy sweets.” He can’t help the watch the way her lips move around her finger, then the soft swipe of her tongue along her bottom lip. He’s fixated, he can’t seem to look away, her mouth is..well it’s tantalizing him. Why? “What?” She asks him but he gives no reply as to why he’s staring so intently at her. The look on his face unreadable and she can’t help but crease her own brows in confusion. “Gundham?”   
  
He lean’s forwards suddenly, with no warning. It catches her by surprise but all of a sudden she seems to understand that strange look, and why he’s approaching her face so intensely. Her cheeks bleed and timidly she lowers her head only to be met with the resistance of a gentle hand, and his lips upon hers. It was brief, almost too brief for the amount of passion that suddenly overflowed from him. She suddenly wanted to sink into his body and press him for more than just a peck. However, Gundham is always so timid with her, despite such a natural will to show her affection.    
  
“I’m sorry.” He lets out in a breath, and he feels the need to tense. The look on her face is making his heart rocket like a star at the speed of light. Did he do something wrong? He kind of did just kiss her without permission, although it wasn’t the first time his body acted without his consent. “I-...hh...I don’t know what just came over…” He trailed off, eyes downcast.    
  
He wanted to run away and hide. He felt so small under her powerful gaze but he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. Nor could his legs suddenly find the courage to run away. The feeling of her lips against his, the taste of her chapstick on his bottom lip made his heart secretly shiver. His stomach twisted so tightly all of a sudden at the thought he had suddenly violated her. Yet he wanted to do it again.   
  
Why couldn’t he move?    
  
Why didn’t she say anything?   
  
But amidst his messy thoughts, two soft hands slid against his cheeks and pulling him forwards into his space. She would meet him half-way, pressing her lips to his and throwing herself into his body. He wasn’t ready for that, and he had to catch himself, one hand gripping the counter behind him. He fell so hard and fas even though he was still standing on shaky feet. It was like in a single moment they gave into their primal instinct and were swimming in each other’s feelings. It was high like he’d never felt before. Not even the high of despair or hope could compare to whatever this was. Their lips parted, and oh god did he really hate that. He was drunk on love and he didn’t want it to stop.   
  
But Sonia did, breathing foreign to him. Her breath on his lips almost drew him back in. The taste of her mouth on his was still there, left behind like the lingering of a ghost. Even his tongue was twitching inside of his mouth and he really did think about using it next time. Like on instinct, no maybe it was a whim. She laughs, a smile- no smirk. Something mischievous laid hidden in the gorgeous face, and something encapsulating her eyes. It was neither despair nor hope, but it was...something hazy.    
  
He felt it too.   
  
“I love you...”    
  
The words soft, barely above a whisper, and only for him.    
  
It gave him goosebumps in places he didn’t even know he could get goosebumps. Still, it came to his attention why she had pulled away like that (cause if they were both feeling the same way he wouldn’t have); They weren’t alone. Peering out of his eyes were the four devas pushing themselves from the depths of his scarf and it became a little clearer. He flushed intensely and was met with the soft giggles from the girl attempting to help him adjust his posture, and rub the wrinkles out of his scarf.   
  
“I think I was wrong. There is one thing sweet I believe I may have a slight fixation for.”   
  
“Oh?”   
  
He gave her a cheeky smile, pressing a thumb to his mouth.    
  
She blushed.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Touch._ **   
  
“Is he going to be okay?”   
  
“Physically, Your son is going to recover fine Mrs.Tanaka. He’s lucky he came out of this with a broken arm and a few bruises. Your husband very well has done some long-lasting damage. He’s going to need therapy. The both of you.”   
  
She stared down in shame. “I know.”   
  
“Given light of your injuries, This could have been worse. Your very lucky social services didn’t take your son today.” The doctor’s eyes were hallowed to him, no sign of warmth behind the calculated logic behind the shine of the man’s glasses. He was in the same room as them and yet they spoke about him like he wasn’t even there.    
  
“Thank you.”    
  
The man left and it was just him and his mother now. He was sitting with his back to the room glaring at the wall through one good eye. His right eye swallowed and bruised, nose broken, arm in a cast. Fathers weren’t supposed to make bleed. Fathers weren’t supposed to break your bones. Fathers weren’t supposed to make you angry. Fathers weren’t supposed to make you feel complete and utter despair. His hand twisted (the good one), and fisted his knee. His whole body ached with pain. Even though it’s his own fault for trying to defend his mother. It’s all his fault, right? He did something stupid, he was out of control and now his body felt like it was splitting apart every time he breathed.   
  
The worst part is that his mother did nothing to stop him.    
  
Mothers were supposed to protect you. Mothers were supposed to love you.    
  
“Gundham…”   
  
A small meek voice causes him to glare harder at the wall, causing the pain in his face to worsen. She did not look at him either. “...Sweetheart.” She tried but he did not respond in kind.   
  
“Get away from me!” His eyes twitched as tears started to pool at the corner of his eyes.    
  
He heard her voice weak behind him, the familiar crack. He knew she was crying behind him, but he so badly did not want to care. He cared.    
  
“Please...I just want to talk, I-” Her words were drowned out by the feeling of her hand on his back. His body reacted without his consent as his small frame whipped around and smacked her hand away in fear. He skittered back on the bed, smashing his body against the wall. His chest started to split apart with the racing of his heart, and the monitors reflected on his sudden state of stress. He wanted so badly to run. He thought she betrayed him, and now all he could think is that she too was going to hurt him. But no such strike came his way.    
  
“Gundham, Baby calm down-” she seemed worried, looking up at something above him but he was too distracted by the eternal panic stabbing him and the back and twisting inside of him like a knife. She reached out to try and get him to calm down, but her hands hesitated. After that rejection, she did not want to make it worse.   
  
“Gundham listen to me. You need to slow your breathing.” Her voice was different than before. More assertive. Soft but firm. He couldn’t help but become entranced as if she had suddenly cast a spell upon him. Slowly but surely his breathing began to slow and to her surprise, his heart rate began to normalize. “That’s good sweetie…” Encouragement. Slowly he slid back under the hospital blankets and nestled into the pillow behind him. He stares at her, albeit cautiously. “...Can we talk?” There it was, that meek voice again. He does nod, although slowly.   
  
“What happened-”   
  
“You let him hit me.” He interrupts, almost in a whimper. Not even giving her a chance for defense.   
  
“I did.”   
  
She didn’t even try to hide it and tears streamed down his face.   
  
“Why?!”   
  
Silence.   
  
“I...I don’t know. Gundham,” She leans forwards and reaches for his hand, but he rips it away breaking her heart. Her hands move to fold over her lap, and she wilts like dead grass. “Have you ever been scared before? Really scared? Even though you know you have to do something, but your so afraid, your body freezes up?” Slowly, he does nod. He remembers being really scared when he saw that cat meet its cruel end by a truck that didn’t stop. He remembers how flat it t was, with not even the discernible trait it had ever been a cat. He remembers being so horrified at the crushed remains that he just stood there and stared at it. Didn’t cry, didn’t think, didn’t even breathe. Just fear. He was 4 at the time but the memory stuck with him. It reminded him just how cruel humans were.   
  
“Well...That’s what happened. I just...got stuck.”   
  
“Got stuck?”   
  
She nods. “I wanted to help you, but it was like something was keeping me from doing it. It was horrible Gundham. You have to believe me… I never wanted  _ that man _ to...touch you like that.” Her hands shook violently as she spoke but quickly calmed herself down. “You didn’t deserve it. Had I been stronger I could have...no, should have…” She trails of deliriously. He doesn’t quite understand all of this but, he does get the sense that whatever it all meant, she was trying to apologize. The Tanaka’s were not good with apologies.   
  
“I’m sorry Gundham. But things will be better tomorrow.” She raises her head, looking off into the distance for something fists clenched on her lap. She says it firmly, and he knows that she means her word. “He’s never going to put his hands on you again.”    
  


It was that night, for the first time, he saw that look in her eyes.   
  
It was Hope.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
_ Touch. _ Sonia’s hands are all over him, sliding up and down his arms creating a soft racket in his arms. He’s timid. Sacred eve. His legs are quaking, as small moans escape the lips pressed against his. He Loves this feeling, but he’s scared. Why?   
  
He hadn’t moved since she crawled on top of him, kissing him with a furious passion he had never felt before. Neither had she, and it was something glorious. His eyes were squeezed shut listening to the soft pants of breath that escaped her, as their mouths collide over and over again. Their tongues slid against one another in a way that made his spine shiver and the hair on his skin rise. She would press her lips occasionally to his cheeks, and his lips would graze her neck, listening to the way she mewled above him. It was not really like either one of them knew what they were doing, but they didn’t have to. They both knew what they wanted, and their bodies moved in kind.   
  
He brought his lips to hers again and kissed her furiously. Their tongues in a fierce battle for dominance as her body pressed against his. There was nothing at all to be left to the imagination. Their chest collided and he tensed. There was this hesitation to touch her, and this hesitation to be touched. But it was clear they both wanted each other right now, and Gundham was desperately trying to push down the urge to fight it. He doesn’t want to fight it, but his body is fighting him. And before he really realized it, Sonia had discarded him of his scarf, and his jacket was halfway down his arms.   
  
Her hands tugged furiously at his shirt and ripped the tucked fabric out of his jeans. And that’s when it happened.   
  
It hit him like a fist, a surge of frustration and anger, as a painful memory reared it’s ugly head and cracked him in the skull. It was so vivid, that his entire body became rigged, and it felt like the air had been sucked out of his lungs with past scars. Fuck, why now, why the fuck did it have to be now of all times!?   
  
_ Aversion.  _ Her wonderful hands slid under his shirt and ran along his stomach, it made him sick.   
  
His body finally twitched, grabbing her hands and ripping them away from his body so fiercely it scared her for a moment. She was shocked, her eyes widening and staring at him with confusion. “Gundham?!”   
  
“Wait- I-”   
  
“I’m sorry, Did you not want this?”   
  
“Sonia-”   
  
“What was I thinking? I made you uncomfortable!”   
  
“Sonia-”   
  
“I’m really sorry, I shouldn’t have been thinking with my head, not my-”   
  
“SONIA!” He roars that one and immediately regrets it. The hurt on her face is evident as she pulls her arms away from his hands and presses them to her chest. “...Fuck.” He swears, but not at her. His eyes are distant, and his hands are on his knees (which she is sitting between now) and he takes a breath. “Damn it.” He curses again, this time holding his cursed arm to his head, and brushing back a stray hair that fell out of place while they were making out. “I just...I need…”   
  
His head was all over the place, he was so removed from reality, trying to block out harsh memories, that were keeping him from touching her, and receiving touch. It took him a while just to get used to kissing her and now he was was going to have to get used to this new thing. He was so tired of reacting this way any time she showed him the slightest bit of physical contact. Like he was repulsed. He wasn’t, not at all. She was gorgeous, and he was lucky to be even in this position with her. Hell, he was lucky to even have her, but his mind was fucked beyond repair. It’s no wonder why he fell so easily into despair.   
  
“Hey…”   
  
A soft voice. It brought him back, and the touch of two warm hands to his cheeks, forcing him to look up at the girl he would die for at the drop of a hat. She looked at him with patience. As always. “Look at me. You’re fine...You’re with me.”   
  
“You’re safe.”    
  
A breath released itself he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. “What happened?”   
  
How the hell was he supposed to answer that. Fuck he never actually told anyone before about tha- “Hey, Gundham.” Her voice brought his eyes back to her, and he felt like for the first time he was going to cry in front of her. “Look at me, please. Remember? You can tell me anything.”    
  
God. He didn’t deserve her. God, he didn’t.   
  
“What happened.”    
  
She tried again and was met with the soft brush of lips against her palms. A silent Apology for yelling at her.   
  
“I’m not used to...touch.” That was harder to say than he originally thought it would be. “I’ve always hated it.” Then it was easier than he thought it was going to be. “It’s just another reason for them to hurt you. It just another way to feel pain. It’s just another way to hurt. I promised to kill  _ him _ if he ever hit me again.” His head suddenly falls into his hand, he closes himself around her and folds into his own body, fighting off the despair that desperately tried to latch itself around his body. He felt small. Weak, like a child. It was only when he looked down into the leather of the sofa that his silent tears, dripped in large globs between his legs and onto Sonia’s lap.   
  
He’d never told anyone before. No one knew. Not even Hinata.    
  
“Who...Who did this to you?” Sonia’s hands pressed firmly to his shoulders, forcing him to raise his head. Tears simply flooded down his cheeks like waterfalls of bottled up memories. But she had this look of anger on her face. Like if there was something she could do then-   
  
It took everything in him not to shrivel up and cower. He was a dark lord damn it! A demon from the fiercest Circle of hell. This man could not control his life forever.    
  
“My Father.”   
  
Was this how his mother felt? Helpless? Hopeless? Void of life? Broken… The want, No the need to touch, to hold, to protect someone, but all that’s there is the fear of pain? How Ironic. He once thought so little of her for being meek and helpless. Now he knew...oh god he knew.   
  
“That’s evil.”   
  
Sonia’s voice brings him back again, and she feels the woman suddenly press herself against him in a tight hug, which he did not recoil from. Steadily his hands drifted around to the small of her back, and he accepted it with ease. “...Fathers are supposed to protect their sons and daughters. That is no father.” She didn’t have to tell him twice. The bastard was probably dead and long gone anyway’s. “He is gone...and yet you feel as if you are still ensnared. I am sorry...I know that does not fix this, But I am truly sorry.” It was hard not knowing what to do when your best friend and lover were suffering from things left in the past.   
  
“I know…” He says softly, slowly, running a hand through her hair, just needing any kind of sensation to feel like a real person again. “However...Thank you.” He slowly pulls away and suddenly takes her arms, softly this time, and looks them over to check if he had left any kind of mark. He did grip her quite hard. To his relief her fair skin was unscathed.   
  
“I am fine.” She assures anyway, bringing his hands to her lips and brushing his knuckles with a soft kiss.” But you...I...Gundham we don’t have to do this now.” Awe hell. There was nothing worse than abruptly stopping a steamy make-out session and both still realizing you’re just as horny as when you started. Maybe it was his dick talking but damn if he didn’t want her still. Even as his body betrayed him.   
  
“No.” He says frowning heavily. “No, I can- I want this.” He squeezes her hands. “He’s, he’s not going to take this away from me.”   
  
Sonia’s cheeks flushed heavily watching how intense he became. It was, very hot. Wow. “But I don’t want you to relive these old memories.” She wanted him too, she really did. She was completely ready to give herself to him right then in there, but his mental health…   
  
“I trust you.” He says as if trying to convince himself more than her. “Do you trust me?”   
  
“Always.” She replies, nodding her head. “But if it becomes too much for you, I want you to stop. Promise me?”   
  
“Promise.”   
  
He just wanted to feel real. Feel loved. Feel happy. Feel like a person. Even if his body resisted, he wouldn’t. He needed it. He craved it. He wanted  _ Touch. _ _  
_ _  
_ He’s got this fire in his eyes all of the sudden, something she’s seen before, but of course never towards her. Like a lion after its prey. She didn’t know why she was comparing herself to prey but if it wasn’t devilishly attractive. She was certainly in the mood again. Worried for him but willing.    
  
“This is what you want, right?”   
  
He’s shucking off his jacket, drying off stained tears with his arm, and leaning towards her. Her lips are plump and inviting.    
  
“It’s the only thing I want.”   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Spatial Awareness_ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** He kissed her like there was a fire he had to put out, and they were once again fully engulfed in each other’s arms, this time with Gundham far more receptive than before, if not a little more dominant. Her hands moved to help him undressed, helping him with his jacket while their tongues tangled in a mess of unrestrained and bridled passion. The fabric slid behind him and onto the couch. Next was his shirt of course, that originally seemed to be a point of yielding. She tried again, this time hands sliding under just to graze the skin with her fingertips. She did feel him shiver, his abdominal muscles reflexing under her touch but he did not back away. Not this time.    
  
He wasn’t going to let his fear take this away from him.   
  
She used her hands to slide the fabric up and past his chest, where the chill of the air suddenly grazed his back and cause a small moan to his escape mast their connected lips. Then a gruff as he regrettably pulled away to pull his shirt over his head. But it was only for a moment before she pulled him back into her body, and the shirt was forgotten with the rest of his clothing.   
  
She untied her brow from around her neck, the brooch clattering somewhere on the floor with it. His hands moved to pop the two front buttons on her dress and pull the top past her shoulders, to which she moved her arms out. Immediately her fingers began struggling with the buttons on her shirt, the pesky little things refusing to come undone. Gundham had to help her, which he did not mind in the slightest. He did, however, have to stop kissing her to do so, as these damn things were like a damn chastity belt.   
  
Frustrating.   
  
But it seemed to be entertaining her at least.   
  
He fiddled with her buttons aggressively as she leaned forwards holding seductive eyes, and pressed kissed to his lips. His cheeks, his neck, his shoulder. Her hands wandered up to his semi-muscular frame and he was suddenly very hyper-aware of where all of her fingers were. Gliding down his arm, the other hand sliding down his pectorals and across his rib cage. Down his hips, her lips were gently suckling and grazing at his already imperfect skin it made him nervous. It was so loving, yet so..strange. Was his body not repulsive to look at?    
  
Her skin had so much warmth, so much color, everything about her was vibrant.   
  
“Everything alright?” She asks, checking in with him. Her voice however was low and husky against his ear. Clearly enjoying how she made him flush.   
  
“‘M. Damn buttons.” He mutters, not even halfway down her chest yet and ultimately frustrated.    
  
“You’re so handsome, Gundham.” Her voice rings hot in her arm, and she draws a soft circle with her finger against his right pectoral, circling a moon-shaped tattoo with a rabbit on its dace. Always so patient. Always so lovely. And now she was praising him. She wanted to make this a good experience, she no longer wanted him to avoid touch, but embrace it as something wonderful. Because he was wonderful. So wonderful. She wanted him to feel wonderful.   
  
It was making him blush.   
  
“I love your darkness.”   
  
He popped a button.   
  
“ I love your tattoos.”   
  
Another.   
  
“ I love your strength.”   
  
And Another.   
  
“I am not…” He says shyly, unfastening the belt around her waist and watching as the fabric of her dress rose slightly above her thighs. He popped another button.   
  
“I think you are. Don’t you trust me?” With his life. She traces a finger up the back of his neck and into his hair.   
  
“I love how caring you are.”    
  
She pressed a kiss to his temple.   
  
“I love how protective of me you are.”   
  
A kiss to his left eye.   
  
“I love when you show me that you love me.”   
  
A kiss to his left collar bone.   
  
He swallowed hands pausing in place as she leaned forwards to pepper several more kisses across his chest and abdomen. And stops just above the waistline of his jeans. She raises her head to see his dizzy looking eyes, all the blood in his cheeks brightening up his face, in the dim lighting of the room. He’s practically glowing like he’s never done before and it’s a good look on him.   
  
He wants to say anything, let his lips utter her name with tender reprise, but he can only bring himself to kiss her. Lips pressing softly romantically and with care. He wants to be swallowed in her arms, and that alone has his heart furiously trying to crawl out of his chest by the anguish. And when she pulls away he hears the soft sound of her gentle chuckle.    
  
He finally manages to pop that last forsaken button of her shirt, the fabric parts to reveal her bare chest, and the lace of her bra. He has to swallow because that's her body under there and he was about to touch her. Drown in the scent of her lovely perfume, and fall so hard and deep into her love for him. “You may.” He hears her say, looking up from the part in her button down to look into her eyes, with an ‘are you sure?’ kind of gaze. He’s very shy. “You aren’t my first you know.”   
  
Oh. That’s surprising to him. Well...she did kind of mention it some time ago but he must have forgotten. “But you are my first love.”   
  
“Tch. You really aren’t an ‘innocent princess’ are you?”   
  
“Never said I was, my dear~”    
  
The two of them exchange knowing smirk.    
  
They exchange several more kisses, parting their lips to fully explore each other's mouths once again. Teeth clacking as their tongues wrapped around one another once again. His hands slipped inside the dress-shirt and slid the articles of clothing down her shoulders, and out of her arms, and pushed the fabric of the shirt and he dresses down her waist and around her hips. Leaving her chest covered by only her bra. Once her arms were free they snaked around Gundhams neck, and she pushed her hips against his groin, causing a wet moan to escape both of their mouths. She ground herself into him and Gundham trembled like he never had before.   
  
He reached his hands around her bra strap to find a hook he could not see. The woven lace rubbing up against his callused fingers, he couldn’t help but just slightly revel in the soft texture of the fabric. There were three distinct sounds of the pins unhinging from one another, and her bra slipped right off her shoulders and into unknown territory. Where ever it landed it was lost to them now.   
  
Placing his hands on her waist now he pulled her somehow closer into his body and flicking his tongue over his lips like a slippery snake. He grazed his lips over her jawline and down her neck, where his teeth gingerly nibbled at soft sweet skin. He was afraid to leave any marks, she was Royalty after all. But to his surprise, he heard her groan through paced breaths. “I am not made of glass. You can be a little rough.” Rough. Gundham was afraid to be rough. Could rough also reward pleasure.   
  
His mouth parted, bearing his canines now he bit into her skin. She rewarded him with the buck of her hips and an open-mouthed cry. The sound was startling at first for him but as he took in her face, he felt relieved. He kissed and suckled at the skin, leaving soft hickeys that would not be visible once her clothes were returned to her.    
  
“Gundham~” His name left her lips so lustfully he could help but growl in response. Hardly done with showering her body with bites and kisses. He wished to devour those sweet appreciative noises and reward her for her praise. It gave him confidence His mouth explored her breasts as well, allowing his tongue to toy with her erect nipples. No matter where his lips were placed, she was always soft and warm.   
  
A soft hum left her when he raised his head to recapture her lips once again, completely fixated on her beautiful mouth. He was suddenly very aware of where her hands were, caressing his abdomen, and fingering the buckle of his belt. It clattered but clicked away so easily. His eyes widening at the sudden pressure of her fingers, toying and circling the button of his jeans before she unhooked it with a soft pop. He has to pull away to catch his breath looking down and watching as her fingers suddenly pulled down the zipper in one motion. He really hadn’t realized how tight they were, and the release in pleasure was very relieving. However, he wasn’t ready for what she did next.   
  
Very casually her hand completely disappears down the front of his jeans. His breath hitches in his throat, and instead of recoiling like he thought he would, his hips actually buck into her hands. “No underwear?” She comments, almost teasingly. He didn’t think he’d ever have to defend himself about not wearing boxer briefs before, but as he opens his mouth to say something, her hand strokes the base of his cock, and his words are drowned out by the electrifying moan that passed his lips.    
  
God, did he really just make that noise?   
  
“Wow, Gundham. If you get like this from just a little stimulation-” She makes a point by running her thumb across his shaft, and his legs shiver. “-You’re not even gonna believe how the rest of it feels.”    
  
“S-Sonia p-please.” His heart can’t take this. She’s too good at being dominating. “You speak as if I’ve never handled  _ myself  _ before.” Still, he had to admit there was such a difference with a lack of control. Control was what he wanted, but he folded so easily just to give in to the smallest movement of her fingers. But in hindsight she was right, They were going to-and then he was-    
  
Wait a minute.   
  
He didn’t think this through.   
  
“Is it wise too-” He was quickly cut off by the feeling of his manhood being released into the open hair and she started to caress his length with her perfect hands. Each stroke was like fire to his lungs, causing him to tremble. He had to grab her shoulder just to keep himself upright because he felt like he was about to faint. He couldn’t already be  _ that _ close?    
  
“You were saying, my dark prince?” The whisper against his ear did not seem to at all help as he struggled to stay focused. He was so hyper-aware of every single nerve, hair, and pressure against his body, that his mind was lapsing back and forth between unintelligible thoughts and groans of unadulterated pleasure.   
  
He tried again.   
  
“Son- aaah~”

  
Nope. Not that time.   
  
“Sonia,”   
  
Okay better. There was a word.   
  
“Yes, darling?”   
  
“We- can’t haaaah-ave s-sex,”   
  
He stuttered out through incomplete groans, as his head completely fell to her shoulders, and his eyes screwed shut. He was a mess. A flawless mess.   
  
“Why not?”   
  
Well, that should have been obvious. By the very laws of nature, enacting intimately without protection was kind of dangerous. And by god, he did love her but he didn’t think either of them was ready for that much responsibility. Besides, they were still recovering from despair.   
  
“I don’t- we-” muddled; he couldn’t talk. The loudest person in their group couldn’t talk. Wait, what was he saying? Oh, right. “Condom.” That’s all he could get out while trying to stifle any more embarrassing moans.   
  
“There’s no need to worry about that.” Her head slips over the head of manhood, and he visibly shakes. Even his pecker visibly twitches in her hand. No wait, there was plenty to worry about- “I have been...preparing myself. There is nothing we should fear.” Wow. Did she elect now to tell him this? He should be upset but he can’t, he’s drooling lustfully. It’s quite a face for the Demon lord. “A princess must always be ready for anything that may come her way. You can proceed freely without worry.” She must have been talking about a birth control capsule but he really couldn’t think right now. Not when she was pleasing him in such a way that he lost all logical sense.   
  
“This is good, right?” Her soft voice flutters by like a butterfly caught in a breeze. But the vision quietly fades when his mind comes back to him. He opens his eyes, to see that she’s released him and now sat with her back arched and her legs slightly parted. She was still half-dressed. Well, they both were but that didn’t matter. “Well, you must please your dark empress as well.” Her words are soft yet seductive in a manner of speaking. She slightly raised her body, and her shoes come off, one of her stocks loosens below her knees. One of her heels clatters to the floor, followed by the other soon after.    
  
She reaches for his hands and takes them, guiding them up to her thighs, and sliding them upwards to the remaining fabric of her dress. The fabric curls the deeper his hands go. His hands stop at the feeling of fabric instead of skin, her underwear the only thing separating him from where he wanted to be right now. Somewhere deep within a warm crevice of her body and the sweet embrace of her arms. Knowing exactly what she wants now, his fingers gently hook under the fabric of what he can only assume was a matching white set of lace.   
  
Sonia adjusts her legs as he pulls her panties down her thighs and past her knees. Neither of them broke eye contact at that moment, simply enamored with one another, despite the dirty deeds they were committing with one another.   
  
Her underwear is discarded with the rest of their clothes they had long forgotten about, and Gundham crawled on top of her as she fell onto her back. (He did consider completely taking off his jeans, however, his boots were too fucking complicated to deal with and it would just be the whole damn button fiasco again.) His ‘cursed’ had traveled up the outside of her left thigh and cradling her hip. His lips however crashed onto her like the waves on a shore, and the two of them melted in each other’s embrace.   
  
  
  
Ther bodies would collide like an unstoppable force, and the air would become charged heavily with their heavy lust. It was like the world suddenly bleeds different colors, the earth-shattering at the weight of his hips thrusting to some unheard rhythm. The two were enveloped in complete and total bliss. The rise and fall of their chests and they breathe heavy into the air. Their soft moans and cries of pleasure completely deafened by the feeling of euphoria surging them both towards something far grander.   
  
And like a flash of light, the two of them called out to their eternal heaven, with nothing but ecstasy screwed onto their faces.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
**_Perception._ ** **_  
_ ** **_  
_ ** “Hopes peak?”   
  
Gundham nods, arms crossed wearing his scarf over his face. His mother gifted it to him on Christmas two years ago and he hadn’t taken it off since. It was also home to now two brightly colored hamsters that popped their heads out to see what all this commotion was. “Indeed. How foolish of these mortals. Scouting something and dangerous and cursed as me.” He chuckled softly, like a villain of those old animes she caught him watching once or twice. Subconsciously he would scratch at the bandaids on his arms, which was poorly applied, and falling off. “Tch. A demon like me doesn’t belong at a school.”   
  
“A demon?” His mother chuckles, knowing full well this persona of his was starting to take shape into a character. It was clearly his way of coping with some difficult childhood trauma the two-faced together but never the less she was anything if not supportive and played along. “You’re still my son, Demon or not you have to attend High School Young man.”   
  
Shoot. He was really hoping he could convince her to drop out and take a part-time job somewhere. She really hyped up this whole education thing. But still..they could use the extra cash if he was actually working. “Are you certain this is the path I should take?” He grows, somewhat serious. “I also found...this letter in the mail.” He reaches into his jacket and plops down another eviction notice in the mail. It seems like he got to it before his mother could.    
  
“Gundham, Tanaka!” She snatches it off the table and presses it against her chest, upset that he found it. “It’s rude to go through mail that isn’t yours!”   
  
“Dear mother, you never answered my question.” He ignored her comment about going through the mail, raising a hand to cover his left eye, and the other raises under his arm like he’s supporting it with some invisible force. It was the pose of one about to conduct a sacred spell. However, none was cast. “Fate has it of your removal. Should you ask me to abandon my duty to protect you!?” His fist clenches and it locks in place. “Hell would condemn me!”   
  
So dramatic.   
  
“Which is why you should go to school.” She says, letting out a small sigh, only realizing she could no longer keep what he always knew a secret. “If you finish high school, All sorts of options can open up for you than you wouldn’t have been able to have before.”   
  
“But our home…” He tensed, looking around for a moment before averting his gaze from her. The same shitty apartment condo he’s lived in all of his life, so many memories. Some good, others terrible it was still his home. It was the only place they had to go. If they lost it then… “If I’m not here, then what should I do if you lose shelter?”   
  
“Sweetheart…” Her voice runs soft suddenly and she tilts her head to the side. “Things are just slow at work, It’ll pick back up and I’ll be able to pay the rent on time. Things seem bad now but it’ll get better soon.” She reaches across the table to take his hand, reassure him, but hesitates. Her son does not like surprising grasps. So instead, her hand rests on the table in front of his. He seems, briefly warry, but initiates content. Slowly, but surely, he lays his hand on top of hers. Even if it took a second.   
  
“Promise?”   
  
“Promise.”   
  
The two exchange warry glances but smile none-the-less. “Besides. You were accepted into Hopes peak, my son is attending one of the best schools in the whole country. I’m so proud of you.”   
  
Her words catch his heart mid beat, and he has to recover from the small little boost of confidence causing him to flush. “Yes well,” He clears his throat, continuing. “I wouldn’t have been able to discover my talent if you hadn’t supported me, so, Thank you.” A brief nod, but a smile was given.    
  
Raising a hand he pulls his scarf down to reveal the Deva’s and scratches the tops of their heads. “Of course...I wanted you to at least have some good memories.” She watches as Maga-Z jumps into his palm and he gingerly scratches the top of his head with the tip of his finger. “Hey Gundham…” She pauses, her son makes eye contact. “I love you, kiddo.”   
  
The boy tenses up, and he slaps his bandaged hand to his face, hiding it from view. Poor kiddo was embarrassed. “Seven Hells mother! I’m not a child!”    
  
“Oh, and apparently 15 is too old to tell your son you love him, huh?” The air is filled with her laughter, and he peaks at her through his fingertips. He can’t help but think she looks so happy. She’s seen her completely hopeless, full of despair, frightened, and miserable. She went through hell taking care of him, providing for him, and working hard to make his future better. But now he’s glad he gets to see her so relaxed. So at peace, so wonderful. Nothing could ruin it. He would never let them.   
  
Even if it was himself.   
  
  
  
‘I love you too, mom.’   
  
  
  
  
  
“Gah~” The small sound of Sonia stretching her muscles briefly brought him out of his thoughts and he opened a tired eye to peek an eye at the girl resting on his chest. He couldn’t have been luckier. He curls himself around to kiss the nape of her neck and the action is followed by a few giggles that escape her tired lips. They had been lying there for a while. Kinda messy and sweaty from their previous activities, but were far too exhausted to make effort to clean themselves up.   
  
They were decent at least. Gundham’s jeans were fastened, and Sonia was laying around in his t-shirt. Which was bigger on her than he thought it would be.   
  
“I’m Starving.”   
  
“You’re hungry?”    
  
Gundham lifts his head slightly, his nose was hidden by her bangs.   
  
“Aren’t you?”   
  
He supposed he was a little hungry. Not that he could really do anything about it, and Sonia did not get up, so he was stuck here, the both of them apparently famished, but too exhausted to get up. “Perhaps a little.”   
  
Sonia would suddenly raise her head resting her arms on his bare chest, and then her chin to follow suit. “Sooooo~ I want to know.” Behind her, her legs would raise in the air (one of them still covered by a sock she was too lazy to pull off at the moment) and give them a little stretch. He had a feeling she was about to ask him something that was going to make him flus- “How was it?”   
  
Of course, she did. He fell to silence, rocking his head to the side. “Good.”   
  
“Just good?” She pressed.   
  
“No, it was…” How to say in little words that it was an amazing euphoric experience he would want to do again in the future. “Perfect…” Yes, that’s exactly how he could describe it.   
  
He watched her face simply explode with Joy. “Well, that’s a relief. It really has been a while.” She suddenly raises her body to adjust her face, so she gives him a quick but tender kiss. It made him involuntarily smile, he tried to cover with his hand but found himself running his fingers through her hair instead. “I thought I lost a bit of my princess charm.”   
  
Now he was really curious. “And how exactly does royalty abandon her duties to court her suitors?”   
  
“Oh, Gundham, my sweet summer flower. How little you know of me.” But she can’t but chuckle at his ignorance. “I was extremely rebellious. Not that our country has any traditional rules on ‘courtship’ as you put it. Honestly...I do somewhat regret it. I did not do it because I loved the person, I used my political prestige and manipulated them into physical intimacy to do nothing more than anger my father.” There was a brief pause and silence overcame her. He suddenly feels the tense air and somewhat regrets pressing her for this kind of information. “It was a stupid decision...especially considering that I used their feelings for me against them. I wanted to apologize but then...Before I could, I was overcome with despair. I abandoned my people..threw the world into chaos…” She sighs, closing her eyes, and brushes a stray hair behind her ear. “Well, you know how the rest of the story goes.”   
  
He hadn’t seen this side of her before. He doesn’t remember what the others were like when they were infected by despair. Actually, he doesn’t remember a lot about how he was either. The simulation had scrambled his memories so bad some things didn’t add up and other things were mismatched and didn’t make sense. Other things were just, suppressed and resurfacing. Although Hajime did his best to help them all recover lost memories, there was something even the Ultimate Hope couldn’t fix. They had to rediscover and cope with these things on their own, the best way they could.    
  
“I am sorry.” She said suddenly, raising her head and feigning a smile. “I did not mean to bring down the mood. I wanted to be honest...since you were honest with me earlier.”   
  
Gundham moved to bring her into a hug. Hesitant at first but pulls her into his chest and she wraps her arms around him in return. Gundham may not have been good at saying it, but when she needed something to hold, he was there. No questions asked, never a witty remark, never selfish response. He was just...present. It’s one of the things about him she could honestly say it was one of his best traits.   
  
It seemed like they were all hiding some things huh? Humans were such perfectly imperfect creatures.   
  
“Thank you.” She says, pulling away and clasping her hands together in front of him. His arms, however, remain loosely around her hips, as he rubbed the small of her back in soothing circles. “I know I shouldn’t be forgiven...I’ve done some terrible things…” And Junko amplified all their worst traits into something twisted. “But I still wouldn’t take it back. If I hadn’t done all the things Ihas, I would never have joined hopes peak, I never would have made all my friends, and I never would have met you. “ She laughs, shamefully. “It sounds selfish doesn’t it.”   
  
Gundham shakes his head. “That is the will of causality…” A phrase he says often, but means with conviction, whenever he does. “There is still time to make up for past wrongs. For now, however, heal your inner self, and your future may be clearer.” Recover. They could make up for past wrongs after they completely recovered. Until the remnants were completely out of their system. It may take a long time, but it was something they were all keen on doing.   
  
Sonia felt a little light spring in her chest. Flowers bloomed sincerely with the twist of her graceful Smile. “Gundham, I thought you said you said you were bad at cheering people up.” Ah, goodness gracious. She just had a way of getting him to beam like a cherry.    
  
“I am…” But the words were muffled under his hands, hiding his smile. She may have been right about something though. Everything he’d done...Horrible. There was no question that all of them probably deserved to beheaded for slaughtering innocents in the name of despair. But with the way everything happened...He wouldn’t change it. Sonia had become this light in a pit of abominable darkness, and strangely he felt happier. Happier than he had in a long time. He was the last of his bloodline, but...He didn’t feel lonely. He had them. He had,   
  
“Sonia.”   
  
“Hm?” The sweet princess turns to look at her beloved with shimmering eyes. “Yes, Gundham?”   
  
  
  
“I love you.”   
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I wrote too much! I don't know if I'll be writing sondam for a while, I've kinda explored my rough hc's and Ideas of their lives before hopes peak, and I planned on "retelling" what the anime told us in more depth. So this is slightly a test run maybe. 
> 
> Also, I haven't written actual decent smut in so long and I was struggling a lot with how long I wanted it to be and keeping it more low-key since it's not the main focus. Whew. Anyway, comments are appreciated as always.


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